it's morning

usually i'm ok in the mornings at work. but today, man i'm tired. i got pretty good sleep. well, with that i mean enough hours. but it feels as if i was only half sleeping the whole night because of odd dreams i was having. you know, one of those dreams that feels that it is really happening, and your mind seems to be alert and it's really only your body that's asleep. donno. i woke up a little bit later, but i still managed to get to work on time. now i'm at work... a friday, the day before the weekend festivities for the upcoming new year. why did they even open school. i mean, clackamas and pcc was closed this whole week. and we at portland state, i guess we like to work hard, even during holiday breaks and such. a couple of students still drop by. i'm thinking, "go home, chill, and enjoy your break." they wanna meet with professor so and so to discuss grades. dude, they're also hiding from you. i probably said, "the best way to contact them during the break is through email" about a thousand times over the break. probably half of the professors are out of the country. some show up for a little bit, then they just kinda vanish or hide... either in the labs or under their desk. you see signs posted on their doors: "meetings about fall 2006 grades to be scheduled the first week of winter term". haha.

 

i'm hoping they'll let me out early just like they've been doing this week. yesterday was sort of busy. next week will probably be back to normal as professors are coming back, and it being the last week of winter break, students are probably gonna be dropping in more to check on their status in their graduation application processes, trying to get in classes that the online registration system won't let them enroll to [even though they have all their prereqs - and that's annoying because that has happen to me many times as well], and just... more people here next week. it's kinda nice having just a few of us. it's nice and quiet. i smell the scent of the lysol disinfecting wipes because i cleaned up my desk area. it's now fresh and clean.

aaaahhhhhhh!!!

die itunes die!!! i love my ipod but itunes needs to be murdered. curses! curses!

i'm asian dayngit

for those filipinos who keep claiming to be "pacific islander" on myspace and other sites... you're clearly confused. if your justification is that the philippines is an island in the pacific ocean [thus the title pacific islander], then japanese people are therefore pacific islanders as well. but do we hear them declaring themselves as pacific islanders? nope, didn't think so. read the snippet of a wikipedia article below. we don't want to "provoke dismay" among the true pacific islanders.

Inhabitants of the Chinese, Taiwanese, Japanese, Filipino, and Indonesian islands, although technically bordering the Pacific Ocean, are not considered Pacific Islanders because such islands are not located in any of the three regions of Oceania, and are therefore classified as " Asians" on the U.S. Census. However, a growing number of Filipino-Americans have denied the classification of being "Asian", instead claiming to be "Pacific Islanders", which has provoked dismay among some Pacific Islanders who actually belong to the Oceanic cultures comprising the commonly accepted definition of the term, and has also provoked feelings of cultural denial by Filipino-Americans who identify themselves as being of Asian descent, as the Filipino government has stated since its foundation that the Philippines is a part of Asia.

 

It should be noted however that both groups are closely related ethnically and can be grouped together under one umbrella term, the Austronesians.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pacific_Islander

see, told you! ang kulit kasi eh!

apparently i could

yay!

 

neways... i found this doing research on Søren Aabye Kierkegaard

 

 

Thou sovereign of my heart treasured in the deepest fastness of my chest, in the fullness of my thought, there ... unknown divinity! Oh, can I really believe the poet's tales, that when one first sees the object of one's love, one imagines one has seen her long ago, that all love like all knowledge is remembrance, that love too has its prophecies in the individual. ... it seems to me that I should have to possess the beauty of all girls in order to draw out a beauty equal to yours; that I should have to circumnavigate the world in order to find the place I lack and which the deepest mystery of my whole being points towards, and at the next moment you are so near to me, filling my spirit so powerfully that I am transfigured for myself, and feel that it's good to be here.

—Søren Kierkegaard, Journals

can i email my post

i wonder if i could... hmmm...

waiting

i sit on the sidelines
chin on my palms
elbows on my knees
i stare
i observe
i wish
i wait
i look over at the coach
he looks back
without words
but his gaze told me
"your turn will come"
sweat trinkles down my temple
i exhale
and inhale
a fresh breath of patience

life...

i hate feeling as if everyone else's life is going along smoothly, while all these trials and unpleasant circumstances have been dropped along my path. i know this isn't true, but at least it seems as if those who do have some sort of issue, their issue seems less heavy than mine. Lord?! why?

i'm tired. quitting sounds very tempting - but even that i don't know how to do.

i don't know... that's all i can say... i don't know. why did things have to happen, all at the same time?

home

i grew up in a house where plenty of bamboo trees grew in the back. i miss those afternoons, when the breeze would move the bamboos and you could hear the rustling of the leaves. and i loved taking naps in my grandparent's bedroom where the bed was so soft and cozy, classical music was playing, and the lighting was just perfect as the curtains partially blocked the warm sun. that's a freeze worthy moment. i guess this is why i love classical music, because it reminds me so much of those peaceful afternoons in mama and papa's room. very comforting. the music and the bamboos lulled me to sleep.

now we have bamboo floors, i miss those days even more.

cry

it is almost always that i picture a young child whenever i hear the word "cry".

i guess it is appropriate to think that way when crying unto to the Lord. it makes sense... to follow after children. why do children cry - when they're experiencing fear, discomfot, pain, to get attention. it seems as we get older, we're taught to "stop crying" or made to think that crying is a sign of weakness, and that we're somehow supposed to put on this strong front if not be strong individuals. you know, the whole expectation to have everything figured out and under control. so quit crying, suck it up duck! buck up chuck!

our bible study today talked about crying to God during stormy periods in our life. one of the questions posed was, "is is raining in your life right now" - raining of course reffering to the struggles or obstacles that we are currently facing. and of course the answer is yes. it's been a trying year. but currently, as school has just started, the winds are starting to pick up. it's been an adjustment trying to figure out this new schedule, and the potential hardships that projects and homeworks and tests bring. so definetely, it's raining in my life.

the narrator in the dvd that we were watching told this story about his walk in the woods with his son. his son was only about a year old at the time, and his dad was carrying him in some sort of hiking pack in his back. there wasn't a cloud in the sky when they set out for the woods toward the lake. later on during the walk, it started to rain. the droplets eventually turned into buckets. as the rain progressed, the fear in the little child grew, and started crying and shreiking at the top of his lungs. his dad took him out of his pack and held him tightly the rest of the way, repeatedly whispering, "i love you buddy. daddy knows the way home. it'll be okay."

this was a parallel to how God is when we are going through the "rain" in our lives. He holds us tightly, protecting us, and tells us, "i love you. i know the way home. it'll be okay". and if someone doesn't already have that kind of relationship with Him, He longs to have that kind of closeness with that person - with everyone.

i am that child, scared in the midst of the rain, crying... and in the midst of it all, the Lord will come and hold me close to Him, protecting me from all that may harm, letting me know that He knows the way, He knows what needs to be done, and that He loves me.

i am grateful for that Love that God has for me - the kind of love that didn't require me to be perfect or to have everything figured out before He could love me. His love is purely unconditional. i'm pretty sure it wasn't something that i've done or accomplished that has caused Him to love me - because there's nothing that i could've done. i am but a human with a multitude of flaws. something that i won't be able to explain, to understand, to perceive - is His love for me... He loves me. that's the bottomline. He loves me.

I waited patiently for the LORD to help me,
and he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the pit of despair,
out of the mud and the mire.
He set my feet on solid ground
and steadied me as I walked along.

He has given me a new song to sing,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see what he has done and be astounded.
They will put their trust in the LORD.

psalm 40 1-3

pride and prejudice

watching pride and prejudice = home... it's like mashed potatoes, warm soup, hot cocoa.

watching the movie gives me a warm fuzzy feeling. i love the soundtrack as well.

i wanna go home...

http://www.tiendesitas.com.ph

yeah.

um,

the vmas sucked! the only good thing was OK GO's performance. that was orsome! i'm glad the all-american rejects did move along. beyonce was the only one who wasn't pitchy. everyone else was.

al gore, what a nice treat! a free geology/science lesson. yay (= the biggest problem this generation will face? THE ENVIRONMENT?! what about IMMORALITY!

pretty

it was a gorgeous drive home from priya's house last night... the moon looked beautiYfell, i wanted to stop somewhere and just watch it. i can never do that alone... at night. that's just too dangerous for my health. then the drive from kristy's was gorgeous as well - thanks to daphne loves derby. new ear addiction! that, waking ashland, and the yo-yo ma cello suites.

i had a great time making sushi with kelley and kristy. we made our hand rolls as we were eating. i guess you could say it was an interactive dinner. it was so yummy. my mouth craves for more at the moment. ugh!

singing about breakfast

the song Don't Wanna Try by Frankie J. the song is okay. it just bugs me that one of the lines in the song goes, "... and have breakfast ready on the table". kinda random, and out of the blue. i donno, it just doesn't seem romantic adding the word BREAKFAST. maybe that's just me. breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

if i ain't got you...

i donno why i love that song again all of a sudden. well, i did like it when it was popular. eventually it did kinda die down, as newer songs (or newly discovered) came into my world. what caused me to love it again was hearing it played at a wedding reception as the couple's first dance. it does sound lovely and appropriate to dance to. all i want is you... nothing else in this world matters, or it wouldn't matter if i can't have you anyway. everything just seems better when you have the person you love by your side, to share this thing called life with. with that said, i love it. and i just love how "chill" (i hate using that word, but there's nothing else i can think of to describe the mood that resonates from the music of the song) the song is.

"i was the lion"

And as Shasta gaped with open mouth and said nothing, the Voice continue. "I was the lion who forced you to join with Aravis. I was the cat who comforted you among the houses of the dead. I was the lion who drove the jackals from you while you slept. I was the lion who gave the Horses the new strength of fear for the last mile so that you should reach King Lune in time. And i was the lion you do not remember who pushed the boat in which you lay, a child near death, so that it came to shore where a man sat, wakeful at midnight, to receive you."

- the horse and his boy

golf & classical music

so my dad attempted to teach me to play golf today. we ended up going to the meriweather driving range because i hit the ball too well that it flew over our fence into the sidewalk. hahaha. it was quite funny actually. i didn't even hit it hard, but it turns out that i hit it the way i'm suppose to hit it, and that's why the club did it's work perfectly. psshhh. once we got to the driving range, i sucked! i realized that in our yard i was a little elevated standing over the ball because i was standing on the patio. once i was on the same level as the ball, it didn't work quite well because the club was too long for me & my height (or the lack there of). i totally understand why jessica simpson complained that her boob gets in the way of hitting the ball to nick in that golfing episode of newlyweds. it does! "the twins" were getting in the way of a good form. it makes me wonder if those women golfers are flat chested. it also makes me wonder if the reason why they have women golf lessons is that they have to teach women how to hit the ball without having your well endowed chest get in the way. sheesh. or maybe i really was doing it wrong. give me a break, i'm not a pro yet. this is only my third time in a driving range, and the first two were just times of fooling around. i was with friends so we were laughing so hard while trying to hit our balls. that sounds funny. anyway yeah. we were also too busy trying not to hit each other or ducking to make sure we don't get hit ourselves. sheesh. we needed to be enclosed in a cage or something, it was totally unsafe! but it was fun. this time around my dad was giving me all sorts of directions and pointers. man golf is hard. it hurts my back. sheesh. but i think i'm gonna like it eventually. i mean, i feel like i have to because i already have a set of clubs (that have to be adjusted to my height), a glove, and shoes waiting for me.

in the last hour i let my dad finish the rest of the balls in the bucket. my hand and back was so sore so i just sat on the bench and admired the view and the weather. man it was so pretty today, because it was somewhat cloudy, and windy. surrounding the golf course were farm lands. i mean, i'd get a wiff of cow dung every now and then, but it was still a nice spot. the nice thing is that it's only 5 minutes away from where we live.

my ears have been searching for something new lately, needing a break from the usual rock loud slow jam stuff. a few days ago i've acquired bunch of bollywood, hindi, spanish, and reggeaton songs. today i got a bunch of classical music and opera. i grew up hearing Handel, so i got a bunch of songs from Handel's Messiah. i also got some random classical music by chopin, mozart, vivaldi, arias sung by the likes of cecilia bartoli, jessye norman, and elly ameling, opera stuff by luciano pavarotti and andrea bocelli. have you heard "Der Hölle Rache Kocht In Meinem Herzen"??? it drives me nutts everytime i love it! i donno how these people sing that song.

i'm 4 pages away from finishing The Horse and His Boy. what am i doing here then. yes yes, it'll be done tonight and then i'll be moving on to Prince Caspian. i hope they'd make another narnia movie. The Horse and His Boy would definetely be a good movie.

disorganization

i hate being disorganized. everything seems to be scattered all over the web! i have multiple accounts everywhere! and the latest one, a multiply account. i mean, it seemed sensible to have an account where you'll be able to post pictures to share with everyone so that they don't have to sign up to multiply just to view things i've posted. i had that on phojo, but that was about it, pictures. multiply has a blog, links, and you can upload videos and mp3 files if you wish. sounds like the perfect "basic" homepage. anyone could have this. and truly i desire a web page of my own, with my very own domain. but why pay for web hosting and domain name when i have within my resources a multiply account? and now i'm stuck with all these accounts

myspace
friendster
multiply
flickr
livejournal
xanga
orkut
last.fm

i think my geocities account is still active. that's where i used to have everything, all in geocities. but i hate the stupid ads. well, it doesn't looks so bad now actually. it can be easily made to disappear with a click. need i remind myself that i didn't want to pay for a web space. that's what you get when you're cheap. or i should say when you're broke! hahaha.

anyways, so why revive this little piece of blog? i love w.bloggar! the fact that i don't have to sign in anywhere. just type type, type and more typing and then this "post and publish" and WALAH! i'm good to go. i had multiple blogs under my blogger account, and i stumbled upon this one. i like this layout, because it's very neat and simple and pleasant to look at - well, at least for me. 'coz there's barely anything in here. and i wanted to start fresh. i guess i also wanted something that no one else knew exsisted. i think. i hope. because i was debating whether to revive xanga. sigh... i'm still confused. where which how? i need some sort of organization. i suppose i could make my multiply page the "home page" and link out to everything. i donno.

well, what's been going on? no work. i have to admit that i do like it the way it is right now. a part of me still wishes i had a job. i feel like a loser - being the only (or so it seems) among my friends who wasn't able to get a summer job or a job in general. with the circumstance that had just come to pass, i guess it's understandable. i need to appreciate what i have. i love that i could read chronicles of narnia, watch countless episodes of american chopper (as a result having a dream about going on a date with paul jr. what the?!). i've baked a yummy banana cake! i did it all by myself. yay me!

i'm loving Mae's Destination: B-Sides. it's quite lovely. and i've also acquired Emery's acoustic stuff, the new FM Static album Critically Ashamed (i love the song moment of truth), a bunch of random bollywood songs, some sonu nigam songs, Oye Como Va by Santana (the music makes me wanna dance and head somewhere really sunny), and a few Reggeaton stuff.

i really don't want fall term to come. i'm hoping to finish chronicles of narnia before the summer ends. i think it's possible.